Grief can come in waves, it can ebb and flow, enveloping everything. Grief is unique to every person and the coping strategies that are used are also individual. We may have a resurfacing of past hurts, old coping mechanisms and past ways of emotionally regulating. For instance, if a person typically bottled up their emotions, this may emerge in how they grieve the loss of a loved one.
Tasks of Mourning
There are four tasks of mourning, according to Worden, 1) to accept the loss, 2) process the pain accompanied with grief, 3) adjusting to life without our loved one, and 4) discovering the balance of remembering the deceased and transitioning to ordinary life. The stages of grief can vary from person to person and there is no “right” way to go through the stages or tasks of mourning.
Embracing and Nurturing Uncomfortable Feelings
One important aspect in navigating grief is embracing uncomfortable feelings that emerge. When grieving loss, time can feel as if it is moving slowly, as if time were standing still, or as if life continues to move on around you. By reflecting through prayer or simply through self-inquiry, acknowledging your feelings and needs provides insight during this grieving process. Seeking a counselor to assist processing these feelings, needs, and insights to grapple with adjusting and transitioning to a new way of life after the death of a loved one may be beneficial.
Finding Stability and Self-Compassion
To regain stability, re-establishing a routine and adjusting pre-existing routines can be very helpful. If you find joy in going to morning workout classes or praying first thing in the morning, consider bringing these old rituals back. This may take some adapting and even discovering new things that bring you peace and joy.
The Mind-Body Connection
During this time you may feel heaviness, restlessness, or fatigued. The mind and the body are connected, studies have shown the benefits of mindfulness in grief in emotion regulation, improvements in the connection between neural networks. Try to start small by reflecting on your feelings, stepping outside, talking to a loved one, or walking around the neighborhood.
Expressing Yourself and Seeking Support
Grief is vulnerable. After the loss of a loved one, it may be difficult to decipher what you are feeling, what you need, and what support to ask for. When talking to friends or loved ones about grief try prefacing your conversation, using the 3 H’s of Support: Help, Heard, and Hugs to communicate what you need or want to share. We all intrinsically desire to connect with each other- sometimes we just don’t know how.
Actionable Steps:
● Practice mindfulness regularly through quiet walks, apps, prayer, or journaling
● Incorporate a schedule or routine that includes activities to engage in during the morning, afternoon, evening, or weekly
● Join exercise classes (cycling, barre, cardio, strength training, yoga, etc.)
● Start a new hobby (painting, pottery, crocheting, woodworking, etc.).
● Volunteer in your community
● Read a book on grief, such as “A Grief Observed” by C.S. Lewis or “Bearing the Unbearable” by Joanne Cacciatore
● Reach out to a supportive family member or friend to share your feelings or stories
● Find a counselor to help process and overcome grief
● Join a local support group for grief
By using these strategies, you can navigate the challenging path of grief and begin the healing process.